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Top 7 Things to Never do in a Raft

November 12, 2013 March 15th, 2020
A man dressed as a pirate.

Planning on white water rafting in Tennessee? Before you paddle away on the Pigeon River, check out our list of the top seven things to never do in a raft. It could save you a lot of embarrassment. Trust me. 

1. Sing the nautical classic, Row, row, row your boat.

Although the song might seem topical, the novelty of singing about rowing a boat, while actually rowing a boat, wears off surprisingly fast. Also, be sure to avoid Styx’s 1977 hit ‘Come Sail Away’ or the 1973 single ‘Rock the Boat’ from the Hues Corporation.

2. Dress like a pirate.

If you are wearing an eyepatch, your vision is going to be dangerously impaired. It is also well known that parrots can get very cranky when wet. And for Pete’s sake, don’t risk accidentally puncturing the raft with your hook hand!

3. Talk like a pirate.

In the event that a crew member disregards this advice, appoint yourself captain of the raft and respond as follows: “Alright ye scallywag, stop your jibber jabbering, I’ll make ye walk the plank and let the sharks make a meal of ye”. That will shut the little bilge rat right up.

4. Recreate your favorite scene from Titanic.

Shouting “I’m the king of the world” does not, in fact, make you the monarch of any planet. It also doesn’t make you any more desirable to Kate Winslet.

5. Insist that you saw a dolphin.

No, you didn’t. We’re white water rafting in Tennessee. You probably saw a rock that looked like a dolphin.

6. “But, I’m really sure I saw it.”

I’M TELLING YOU IT WAS A ROCK. LET IT GO.

7. Ask to play shuffleboard.

I think you are confusing an inflatable raft with a cruise ship. Don’t feel bad, it happens all the time. And before you ask, no, we don’t have a breakfast buffet.

Now that you are an expert on the do’s and don’ts (well, mostly the don’ts) of rafting etiquette, you are ready to spend the day at Smoky Mountain Outdoors. We’re the best place for white water rafting in Tennessee! Our guides have a ton of experience, and they promise to never dress or talk like a pirate (excluding national Talk Like a Pirate Day). Visit our Rafting Trips page to learn all about our mild and wild rides down the Pigeon River!